Pharisee Pride

So the pharisees were these people who spent the vast majority of their time studying the scriptures and ministering to the people. They were the cat's meow back in the day...and they knew it. They loved to show off their knowledge to the "common people." They loved to condemn people and judge them for their misunderstandings of scripture. They especially loved to quote rules and regulations. They used their position to make others feel inferior.

These were the ministers of the day.

Fast forward some 2000 years to the life of another man training to become a theologian and minister of the word. He's almost finished with his formal training to work for a church as a youth pastor and worship leader. (That's right folks, another selfish blog about myself)

A modern day pharisee.

I've 'studied' the Bible for my entire life, not to a very extensive level, but I've been on a relatively consistent journey towards a better understanding of God. Now, I'm facing graduation and the real world. I've become known as the "theology major" to my friends. People know me for my field of study.

It's because I'm awesome.

No really, you should probably listen to everything I say and take notes, because I study theology, so I must be right when it comes to the Bible. In fact, I'm such a good theologian, that I've got everything else figured out in my life as well, so don't question me! I'm an expert in everything!

However, since I'm a soon-to-be pastor of sorts, I will do you the favor of judging you and tell you where you're screwing up your life. I'll telling you how your worship should be. How your life should be. How you should act. I will spur a theological debate just so I can prove you wrong while showing off my intelligence. I can even quote scripture to make you feel small and sinful.

I'm in ministry, which means I am far more important than you. While God does love you, He probably loves me more. I've got it all figured out, that's why I am in ministry.

I am a perfect modern day pharisee.

Hypocrisy and everything.

This is the attitude that I seemed to have developed over the years, and God has called me out on it. Thankfully. I've used the theology I've learned and my positions of ministry to do the opposite of what God intended it for. I've also begun to think that I know how to do everything the right way, and others should do them the same.

Then the other day, I had an old lady come up and give me a verbal smack down because she didn't like the way I did my job.

Thankfully God doesn't speak through the violent old ladies.

I was reminded of the book of Job. After loosing almost everything, Job gets on this righteous horse and falls into this prideful mindset. God doesn't like this, so he brews up this huge storm, and opens a can on Job. He says;

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off it's dimensions? Surely you know!"

God continues laying the smack down on Job for a few chapters and Job (after soiling himself I'm sure) repents and recognizes his sinful pride. I'm just glad that my smack down came in the form of an old woman and not too many people were around.

Fact: I'm a fallen individual.

Fact: I'm broken, blemished, and foolish.

Fact: I'm no better than anyone else, even worse than most.

Fact: I don't have it all together, in fact (haha), I don't understand quite a bit.

I'm studying theology because I don't know everything. Because I don't understand God. I'm in ministry because I want to help others in their journey. And because for some reason, God has called me to lead His people. Despite my infinite amount of imperfections, God still loves me and chooses to use me. I just need to remember that I don't have it all together.