The Quest for Love: Part I

Why are you a Christian?

Seriously, many of us have been asked this question before, but take a minute to seriously examine your faith, more importantly the reasoning behind your faith. Why do you believe in God? Why do you serve God? Why do you love God?

Do you love Him? Seriously love Him?

Stop reading and answer this question for yourself.

Recent events in my life have forced me to stop and take a gander at myself. A long gander (not a goose). Not only myself, but my relationship with the Father.

I realized that I don't have an answer to this question. I believe in God because I grew up "Christian." I was afraid to leave the faith because of what my family might say. I "believed" in God because I was afraid of the alternative of eternal damnation. I followed Him because I was afraid of what He would do to me if I didn't. I don't even know if I actually loved God.

Things haven't changed.

This is a seriously disturbing truth. I don't know if I love God.

For 22 years, I have investigated this being known as YAWEH
For 7 years, I have worked as a camp counselor supposedly leading kids to Christ.
For 8 years, I have been involved with leading worship
For 6 of those years, I have lead other people on a worship team.
For 4 years, I have devoted my life to becoming a youth pastor.

Yet after all that, I still don't know that I love the Father. Sure I'd like to tell myself I do and that my struggle with this fact points to some sort of love for Him, but my life says differently. During the average day, I think about God perhaps 2-3 times per hour. Unless that hour is filled with climbing, going out with friends, or a movie. Compare that to a crush on a girl....I focus way more on pleasing her than God, and that's not even love.

So what am I doing then?

Francis Chan says; "God doesn't just want us to have good theology; He wants us to know and love Him." I have the theology and I know all the "Christian" answers....but that's missing the point.

The point is love...and I don't have it.

Thus begins my quest for love.