Friday, November 20, 2009
The Quest for Love: Part II
Go to church? Pray? Spend time in devotions? Tithe? Help others? Spread the Gospel?
These are all things that make us love God, right?
Wrong.
After my shocking revelations concerning my lack of love for the Father, I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how to love God more. Like the main character of Ecclesiastes, I tried out a bunch of methods. Here's some of my ideas...
Force myself to forget about my idols and focus on Him...
Find some inspiring verses and quotes....
Spend loads of time in Bible study....
These are all great things, but not one of them caused me to love God more. The fact of the matter is that no matter how hard I try, I can't just love God more. There is no equation for easy fix for God's love.
We need God to help us love God. In other words, the only plausible way for me to truly love the Father is for Him to inspire that love in me. God promises that all we
have to do is ask, and He will answer.
Put in another way, my sinful nature prevents me from loving God in the way He intended. My sinful nature encourages my love for my idols. I can't fight that nature, but God can help me with it.
By laying my burden at His feet, and asking Him to help me love Him, I'll get there.
The process won't be easy. God will bend and break me to get me to where He needs me. He'll take away that which I value most. He'll force me to trust Him. But He'll love me. God has shown me what I need to do. He's shown me that I can't really do anything but ask for His help. He's shown me the process.
Thankfully, God hasn't given up on me. He loves me enough to let me take this journey instead of just giving me the solution. He's answered my prayer by showing me the way.
The quest continues...
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Quest for Love: Part I
Seriously, many of us have been asked this question before, but take a minute to seriously examine your faith, more importantly the reasoning behind your faith. Why do you believe in God? Why do you serve God? Why do you love God?
Do you love Him? Seriously love Him?
Stop reading and answer this question for yourself.
Recent events in my life have forced me to stop and take a gander at myself. A long gander (not a goose). Not only myself, but my relationship with the Father.
I realized that I don't have an answer to this question. I believe in God because I grew up "Christian." I was afraid to leave the faith because of what my family might say. I "believed" in God because I was afraid of the alternative of eternal damnation. I followed Him because I was afraid of what He would do to me if I didn't. I don't even know if I actually loved God.
Things haven't changed.
This is a seriously disturbing truth. I don't know if I love God.
For 22 years, I have investigated this being known as YAWEH
For 7 years, I have worked as a camp counselor supposedly leading kids to Christ.
For 8 years, I have been involved with leading worship
For 6 of those years, I have lead other people on a worship team.
For 4 years, I have devoted my life to becoming a youth pastor.
Yet after all that, I still don't know that I love the Father. Sure I'd like to tell myself I do and that my struggle with this fact points to some sort of love for Him, but my life says differently. During the average day, I think about God perhaps 2-3 times per hour. Unless that hour is filled with climbing, going out with friends, or a movie. Compare that to a crush on a girl....I focus way more on pleasing her than God, and that's not even love.
So what am I doing then?
Francis Chan says; "God doesn't just want us to have good theology; He wants us to know and love Him." I have the theology and I know all the "Christian" answers....but that's missing the point.
The point is love...and I don't have it.
Thus begins my quest for love.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Fake....
I'm a fake.
Tonight, God asked me to give everything over to Him. And instantly, I thought of what was most important to me. Surprisingly, God was not on that list. (Perhaps because I was thinking of what God might take from me, and obviously God can't take God. Maybe this touches on a deeper issue of taking God for granted because He is always there.)
Anyhow, after going over this list of important things, I decided, for whatever reason, that I didn't want to surrender certain things to God. God called me out on it and said, "Hey, what happens if I want this from you?"
I said "No, I just don't think I can do that"
I spent the rest of an awesome worship set pouting and arguing with God about my level of commitment. I questioned my faith...a lot.
What if God isn't really enough for me?
What if I don't want to live a life of sacrifice?
What if I'm not content in surrendering everything to God?
So here's the really big issue. I preach and teach everyone that God is sufficient. That we should abandon all for God's work. That God isn't at the top of our priority list, but that He is the list.
But I can't do it....I'm a fake....
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Best Thirty Minutes
After ignoring my alarm clock (by ignore I mean strike multiple times) I fell back asleep for like 30 extra minutes...what a great half hour though.
Now, I recognize that none of this is Biblical, but it did get me thinking and has lit me on fire with this awesome joy that I can't contain. I would give anything to feel the joy that I had felt during this half hour.
So here's what I experienced in a dream...
After going through some crazy struggles and misadventures (at one point I remember telling my two comrades to just hold on and have faith that we'll get there) we finally got there. The funny part is that we didn't even know where or what "there" was...we just felt like we needed to get there.
So after some sort of odd transformation process that resembles a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, we're hanging out in a lounge/kitchen with a bunch of people that I don't know, (I think one was the violinist from Dave Matthews Band...haha) and eating brownies. Everyone is super excited to see me and each recalls points of my journey which they watched me very closely. We share laughs over the times I took the hard way or thought I had a short cut, but turned out wrong.
Then it dawned on me.
I was in heaven.
Right about that moment I saw Him.
Christ.
He was just cooking something in the back, quietly chatting with someone when I saw Him. Initially I froze...then realized that I should worship Him. After falling on my face, instead of worshiping Him because I felt like I should, I worshipped Him because I was compelled to.
I wailed and screamed, begging for forgiveness and completely awestruck by His presence. I truly worshipped Him with everything, unashamed. My joy was unlike anything I had ever felt in my entire life. I can honestly say that I've never felt this much joy before, and just writing this is bringing a smile to my face.
I received a glimpse of what I believe to be heaven. Everyone loving on each other. Christ is just shooting the breeze with whoever. Joy. In it's purist form, Joy. This is what God intended for His creation, and this is our end.
I can't wait.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Reasonable Obedience
1) Because I love God.
2) Because I serve God.
3) Because I am pursuing God with all my heart.
Those are all awesome reasons, and I hope/pray that you all can honestly say that. Here's a list of my honest answers.
1) I don't want to get in trouble, or punished.
2) If I do obey God, maybe He'll make things go my way.
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason you try to do what God wants is just to get on His "good side?" Perhaps the only reason you are a Christian is because you don't want to end up burning for the rest of eternity.
Either way, I feel like I'm not a Christian for the right reason. I was raised in this belief system, and it makes the most sense to me, but is that enough? Don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning the existence of my faith, but rather the authenticity and reasoning behind it.
Sorry about a blog entry all about me. Hopefully someone out there (if anyone reads this...haha) will be able to relate. If so, my only advice is to keep searching. Keep asking. Keep the faith...but check your reasons.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
God Is Ministry
A lot.
Possibly too much, at least for me. Last night, around 9:00, I realized that all I had done besides working/sleeping/eating, was work on this podcast for the past 48 hours. Even at work we discussed different things regarding the process.
Obsession.
I took some time last night to swap the keyboard and mouse for a guitar and pick, and started worshiping. It felt great. But it reminded me of something.
Often, we can get so wrapped up in the planning and administering of ministry, that we make the ministry the god. We begin to concern ourselves with the ministry more than the God we are doing it for.
God always comes before ministry.
Reading through the Pentateuch, there are a lot of long passages regarding rules and regulations for worship, cleansing, and "ministry" things. Scattered throughout these passages is one recurring phrase. The same phrase throughout the entire Pentateuch.
"I am the LORD your God."
When God was setting up the rules and guidelines for ministry, He constantly reminded us that He is still Lord. Probably because Israel had a problem with idols. This might be a stretch, but maybe He said that so often to remind the priests who would constantly study these scriptures, rituals, and ceremonies that He is God.
Despite the insane amount of work the priests and people had to do for ministry, God is still Lord of all.
Whether the ministry is a small little podcast or a global evangelism project, God is still bigger. He is still more important.
God is ministry.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Stalker Jesus
This is what I saw while I was waiting at a stop light the other day. He turns one way, I go the other, never to see each other again.
Or so I thought.
About five minutes later, I see him at another intersection, coming from a different direction. I don't understand how he possibly could have been where he was, because not only did he get there before me, but he turned south at the first intersection and was on the north side of the second one. It's like he was following me. I thought I might have been under some sort of secret surveillance. But I'm not sure how he did it.
Now, I'm not claiming that this man was some miracle worker or anything supernatural, but it did remind me of something.
I began to picture Jesus as a guy who tails us like they do in spy movies. He's just a casual, everyday guy, wearing sunglasses, and secretly following us wherever we go. Some people know He's following them, but choose to ignore Him. Some people invite Him to come join them as opposed to keeping Him in the shadows.
Still, there are other people who don't even realize that He's following them. He secretly and patiently cares for us and watches over us. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When somebody holds us at gunpoint for our iPods and wallets, He comes flying out Chuck Norris style and delivers a sandal-shaped bruise to their face.
He'll even take the bullet for us.
Despite our level of interaction with Him, Jesus is there. We can ignore Him all we want, and He'd still keep watch over us. We could reject Him seventy seven times, and He would still shower love upon us.
I thanked God for that man on a motorcycle, because it made me realize that God is always with me. When I'm conscious of it. When I'm unaware of it. Even when I don't want it, He's standing at the ready to protect me. Hold me. Love me.
Jesus is like my own super stalker.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Mission of Ministry
The missions trip is ending, and we are nearing sweet home Chicago as I type. Reflection time…
As I think back on the trip, I recognize that I didn’t grow as much as I had hoped throughout the course of this past week. I’m not saying that God didn’t work in my life, but it wasn’t like I had expected. He did teach me a humbling lesson regarding ministry. I feel like I now have a much better idea of what ministry is like and how it should look.
I would like to split this blog into two parts by looking at what ministry is and what it is not.
Ministry is a selfless act that places the target group ahead of one’s own needs, concerns, and overall welfare. Christ was the ultimate servant, and if His ministry isn’t a perfect example, then I don’t know what is. His ministry was all about how He could help people. How to serve people. How to love people. He didn’t grow as much in His ministry as His followers did.
I can resonate with that now that after this trip.
After spending a week seeking God’s lessons in my life, I realized that my lesson was a lack of lesson. That is, I learned this lesson of what being a minister truly looks like. I didn’t grow much on the trip, but the students did. And that’s really all that matters.
Really.
Ministry is all about giving of oneself to better another’s faith. Whether it’s sacrificing pride, time, or lots of sweat in the Arizona heat, ministers sacrifice for others. I spent the majority of my week trying to plan out ways to best allow for a positive experience for these student, nd, through the grace of God, the students were changed. But this kept me from being able to grow a lot personally because I was helping students in their growth.
That being said, ministry is not about fame. It’s not about fortune. It’s not about how many people are in the crowd, how many souls I can tally up in my conversion count, how many churches want me to work for them.
It’s about Christ.
It’s about others.
I used to, and still do, look forward to leading large worship sets for large crowds. I dream of speaking to huge audiences and becoming this famous Christ follower who tours the globe leading worship and teaching others. I love teaching, because I get to speak in front of people. Let’s be honest, I love attention.
But that’s not what ministry is about.
I spent the week refocusing my priorities, my motives, and my reasoning. I’m trying to put into practice this idea of service. Of selflessness. Of love. No more alternative motives, no more selfish desires, and no more pride.
I’ve been in a ministry of making a name for myself.
I’m going into a ministry of making a name for God.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Diversty
A blog on diversity.
To all of my fellow TCC Students, I'm sorry if this seems absurd to you, but I think it's worth checking this out.
To continue, I want to apologize to anyone who may start to be offended by this blog. Please read it all the way through before you have a problem with it. Then, please feel encouraged to comment/contact me if you still would like to discuss it.
For those of you who don't know, diversity is a hot topic on my college campus. The higher-ups, teachers, spiritual leaders, and student clubs all love the idea of diversity.
That being said, it has become an odd feeling of fakeness. Diversity is so encouraged that it almost feels forced and unnatural. I fear that it turns some students off to the idea, including myself.
That being said, I can honestly say that I have experienced a truely diverse setting, and it is pheonomenal. Honestly.
Out here in Phoenix, there are Hispanic people. Black people. Barundi people. White people. Vietnamese people. And they all come together under one church building.
It's so amazing to see what God had intended for us when He called us to come together as one body. It's so awesome to see the continued communication and worship despite cultural differences.
But it's close to bed time, and I just found out I am probably going to get swine flu soon. Awesome....
Mid Trip Blog
Craziness....
As I sit in the room with a few of the students on this trip, I am currently hearing arguments regarding who has smellier feet, who ate the gum, and I just pulled a mutilated baby doll out of a kiddie pool.
The VBS kids that we are working with are pretty awesome, but pretty energetic. We've run into a few problems. Unplugged two toilets (which overflowed and leaked downstairs), sent one VBS kid home. And Mr. McHale just found the doll's head under his mattress....awesome.
But I seriously love the trip God's let me go on.
He has taught me to be humble. To serve. To love.
Mostly, he has taught me to just relax and trust that He will work everything out. We were not at all prepared for the first day of VBS, but God made it work....through the amazing members of our youth group.
But seriously, despite all of the things that we've had to do on this trip so far, God has kept us pretty much on top of things. I'm learning to place my absolute trust in Him, because He is always working and always knows whats going on. Even when nobody else does...
Especially when no one else does.
God's encouraging me through the growth in these students as well. I've seen them open up and really discuss how God has been teaching them. It's awesome to see how they are letting God work in their lives. He's been working in my life too.
Yesterday, while I was working with one of the VBS kids, I thought about how much work we are putting into this camp. Then I thought about how much work God invests in us. I mean, God literally spends each and every day shaping and molding us to be the ultimate servants for Him.
What's more, is that everyday I wake up, God loves me. I picture God holding a meeting with His gang and saying; "Alright people, how can we make Brian love me more today?" Seriously, the guy upstairs absolutely loves me.
And you.
I think He has a special heart for children...including the older children known as the WF Youth Group. I feel so blessed to be a part of this ministry. To be a part of these kids spiritual development. To be a part of their lives. Sure, I may not be the greatest youth leader (my students will definitely testify to that), but God still uses me for this special project.
I apologize for the absolute randomness of this blog....it really goes everywhere and doesnt' really say a whole lot. I suppose that's what happens when one forces a blog.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Airplanes and iPods
…Nothing.
The only thing I’ve noticed on this trip besides the guy watching Dark Knight across the aisle (too bad he stopped right before the best part), and the old man who just spilled drink all over himself, is the amazing amount of iPod headphones I’ve seen.
From this simple observation I’ve deduced two things:
I should buy stock in Apple and start to cash in on this phenomenon.
And I concluded that this is why community seems to be so difficult sometimes. Ever since we entered the terminal (after the insane security check point with 25 students), the headphones have been in and all the air drumming, foot tapping, and head bobbing that goes with it hasn't stopped.
The great thing is that a lot of the students still conversed and bonded through the headphones, but it makes one wonder how much attention we pay to the outside world. Sure they hear each others’ words, but are they really listening?
As many may know, I love my iPod and walk around campus with it quite often. It’s great because I get to listen to music, but it serves a dual purpose. With an iPod in, I don’t have to be friendly. I don’t have to talk to people. And I don’t look like a loser when eating by myself in the cafeteria.
My iPod has become my security blanket.
Sure, I still talk to people while I’m listening (like waitresses, clerks, and other iPod-ians), but I’m really only listening to the iPod. It becomes a bit difficult to listen to really important things…like God, when I close myself into this nice little “me cocoon” and shut out the world.
So how does the iPod change a person? They become this empty shell, void of communication, walking through their day. It’s amazing how much difference those little white ear-buds can make.
Well, that’s enough of this high-altitude post…Dark Knight has started back up….
Monday, June 8, 2009
Mosquitoes
Almost...
One can claim, and many of my companions do, that the reason God created mosquitoes so that we can have the wonderful Jurassic Park series. Nice. Personally, I don't really think it's worth it, because after the first one, the rest are pretty useless, but I digress.
But seriously, why did God create such a menace? My understanding of God is that everything is done according to His will. Whether He orchestrates it or allows it to happen, everything goes by our Sovereign God in heaven. So here are a few possible explanations:
It was a joke between Him and the angels....
Some guy prayed for a miracle in a time of financial crisis, so God created a need for this cat's only source of income....Bug spray....
Some of us (myself included) do a swatting dance to avoid bites which can look pretty ridiculous....and very entertaining....
I can't really even begin to speculate as to why God does what He does, I just know that He knows what He's doing, and I need to trust that. Even if it means I need to suffer my entire life just so children of America can watch dinosaurs eat people....
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Prodigal Son (Part III)
I know I was.
I think I still am.
The way I see it, there are two parts to the story of the Prodigal Son. The first part is where the son is basically a jerk and says; "Hey pops...gimme my inheritance so I can go party it up and find some girls!" He then proceeds to hop on his camel and ride off in search of college babes, spending as much money as he possibly can. After he's blown it all on cards and booze, an economic crisis hits.
Hoh boy...
So he comes running back to his father. (I've always wondered if the father intentionally gave him the money knowing full well that his son would come back and learn a lesson) The father accepts him with loving arms and even throws a party for him. He totally forgets about his sins and accepts him.
Awesome.
Here's where the part three comes in (Yeah, I didn't write a part one or two...sorry if you looked for it). I wondered today if the Prodigal Son returned to his old state of not really caring for his father. While he still greatly appreciates the forgiveness his dad gave him, he doesn't really live like it. I wondered if the son continued to abuse and be unappreciative of the gift.
So the point I'm getting at after all this talk is this...is that I feel like I'm stuck in part iii of this story. Even though I know God gave me my freedom knowing what it would do to me and our relationship...Even though I know that God lovingly accepted me back again...Even though God loves me no matter what I've done...
I still don't return the love.
I still struggle with the faith.
I still struggle to pray for more than five minutes a day...pretty sad huh?
Sure there are times when I'm really excited for what God has done for me. For what God is doing in me. And for what God is going to do for me. But most of the time I feel like I just don't care.
Why am I telling you all this? To be honest, I don't really know. Partially because I wanted to be honest with people. Partially because I wanted to let everyone know that I struggle. Partially to encourage those who may struggle with similar things, because they aren't alone.
I think it's good to struggle, because it helps us grow. When we fight certain things, we ask questions, search ourselves, and search God. In the end, we come to know ourselves, our community, and our God better than we did before.
We shouldn't be afraid to admit our struggles. Face our trials. And ask for help.
Christians aren't proud....
We're humble.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Muslim Faith
It took me a minute to realize that I was watching them pray. To Allah.
Awesome.
These guys were still in their business clothes. In a dirty alleyway behind a nasty building. Most likely, they've been harassed for their faith and practices. They probably still had things to finish up before they got home. But none of this stopped them. No, they dropped everything at work to pray to their god.
Muslims pray five times a day. Everyday. At the same time.
Period.
There are no exceptions, no exemptions, no excuses. Muslims put the entire world on hold for a few minutes five separate times a day! Some days, I don't even pray for five minutes! (Yeah, I admit it)
I want that kind of faith. I want that kind of dedication. I want that kind of church. The Muslim faith has undergone such persecution over the years, and yet they still remain consistent in prayer and lifestyle as a community. As a Christian church, we can't even unify over the carpet choice in our sanctuaries.
On a more personal level, subscribers of the Muslim faith will wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to pray. I can't even wake up 30 minutes early to do a little devotion! How absurd is that? I'm willing to bet that a large portion of Christians today pray three times a day...breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Muslims study and even memorize large portions of the Quran. How many of us even read the Bible on a daily basis? (Guilty) As the confirmation students at my church were studying the books of the Bible, I discovered that I couldn't even name them all in order! And I'm a theology major!
Muslims wear different clothes. They practice different lifestyles. They eat different foods. Their entire lives revolve around their faith. They aren't afraid to show everybody what they stand for. I'm not saying that we need to separate ourselves from the world, but I am pointing out the fact that we can't be afraid to be bold about our faith.
In his book, Don't Waste Your Life, John Piper says; "If we desire that there be no boasting except in the cross, (Galatians 6:14) then we must live near the cross-indeed we must live on the cross."
I want a life dedicated to Christ. My whole life. Every breath. Every word. Every action. Everything, for my God, Creator, and Redeemer.
I want a unified Church. One vision. One mission. A Church that supports and loves all members instead of judging and excluding.
I want a Muslim level faith.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I Want Some More Please
Simple enough right?
I mean God, come on, just this one little favor. And some good grades. A pay-raise. A new guitar. Oh, and a few wins for the Cubs.
I know you created me, sustain me, and forgave me. You also provided me with great friends, family, shelter, and food (I want to take this opportunity to say that it's only been 24 hours since my last caf meal, and I miss it).
So, I promise, after these things, I won't ask for anything more.
I got to thinking, how ungrateful of me! More importantly, how insulting to God! He must get so ridiculously tired of all these petty requests for earthly things. He probably gets even more tired of answering them and listening intently to each and every single prayer I pray to Him.
Nope.
I realized that God NEVER gets tired of hearing my requests, my prayers, or my concerns. When I ask for God's help, He gets SO excited. I saw an episode of Reba the other day where her teenage daughter asked her for help with boys. She almost lost control from her excitement! I'm not a parent, but I'm assuming most parents love it when their kids ask for help.
That's because they love us more than they love themselves, and cherish every opportunity to shower us with that love.
Our Father is the same way.
By no means am I saying that we should ask God for everything like new cars, guitars, and other neat stuff, but I am saying that we should never be ashamed to bring our honest requests to God, because He loves hearing and answering them!
God loves us more than Himself, and He loves to talk with us and hear our problems. Our needs. Our concerns. He loves to help us and He loves to love us.
In the Sermon on The Mount, Jesus says:
7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:7-11
Now....about those Cubs....
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Pharisee Pride
These were the ministers of the day.
Fast forward some 2000 years to the life of another man training to become a theologian and minister of the word. He's almost finished with his formal training to work for a church as a youth pastor and worship leader. (That's right folks, another selfish blog about myself)
A modern day pharisee.
I've 'studied' the Bible for my entire life, not to a very extensive level, but I've been on a relatively consistent journey towards a better understanding of God. Now, I'm facing graduation and the real world. I've become known as the "theology major" to my friends. People know me for my field of study.
It's because I'm awesome.
No really, you should probably listen to everything I say and take notes, because I study theology, so I must be right when it comes to the Bible. In fact, I'm such a good theologian, that I've got everything else figured out in my life as well, so don't question me! I'm an expert in everything!
However, since I'm a soon-to-be pastor of sorts, I will do you the favor of judging you and tell you where you're screwing up your life. I'll telling you how your worship should be. How your life should be. How you should act. I will spur a theological debate just so I can prove you wrong while showing off my intelligence. I can even quote scripture to make you feel small and sinful.
I'm in ministry, which means I am far more important than you. While God does love you, He probably loves me more. I've got it all figured out, that's why I am in ministry.
I am a perfect modern day pharisee.
Hypocrisy and everything.
This is the attitude that I seemed to have developed over the years, and God has called me out on it. Thankfully. I've used the theology I've learned and my positions of ministry to do the opposite of what God intended it for. I've also begun to think that I know how to do everything the right way, and others should do them the same.
Then the other day, I had an old lady come up and give me a verbal smack down because she didn't like the way I did my job.
Thankfully God doesn't speak through the violent old ladies.
I was reminded of the book of Job. After loosing almost everything, Job gets on this righteous horse and falls into this prideful mindset. God doesn't like this, so he brews up this huge storm, and opens a can on Job. He says;
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off it's dimensions? Surely you know!"
God continues laying the smack down on Job for a few chapters and Job (after soiling himself I'm sure) repents and recognizes his sinful pride. I'm just glad that my smack down came in the form of an old woman and not too many people were around.
Fact: I'm a fallen individual.
Fact: I'm broken, blemished, and foolish.
Fact: I'm no better than anyone else, even worse than most.
Fact: I don't have it all together, in fact (haha), I don't understand quite a bit.
I'm studying theology because I don't know everything. Because I don't understand God. I'm in ministry because I want to help others in their journey. And because for some reason, God has called me to lead His people. Despite my infinite amount of imperfections, God still loves me and chooses to use me. I just need to remember that I don't have it all together.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Worship Habit
So I walk into the music office on our campus (Yes, this story is about me) and gave the usual greeting to Joanna, the music/chaplain's assistant here on campus. She organizes some of the worship teams, and did such a task for this worship with Josh DeBois (Some guy who works in the White House with Faith Based stuff). Anyways, apparently this is a big deal worship thing, and she asks me; "So you ready for this?" I responded with a casual "eh...ya know."
Really?
I am about to not only worship God, but lead His people in worship, and all I have to say about this is "eh?" I'm not even Canadian! God chose me, this terribly unworthy sinner, to not only love, but to lead his people in one of the most holy actions imaginable, and that's all I can say?
So Joanna calls me out on this, and inquires as to my lack of enthusiasm, because I should clearly be excited for this great chance. She points out the fact that every time I even worship, let alone lead, I should be excited. Furthermore, I should be mentally and spiritually preparing for these worship services!
This got me thinking, I've gotten into this terrible habit of worship leading.
Yes, you read that right. I have turned this opportunity from God into a bad habit. I have gotten to a point in my life where I regularly help lead 2-3 worships every week, sometimes more. This is great, and I love it. It's what God's called me to do, I think. The problem becomes that it is now a habit, which means I don't put the effort into it or get as excited about it as I should.
I'm not prayerfully considering each worship.
I'm not preparing mentally or spiritually for each worship.
I'm viewing worship as a thing I do, like a job.
So I've resolved to regain the passion of my worship planning. Regain the excitement and treat each worship time as something special and not a habit. I would encourage other worship leaders to do the same and guard their hearts against this trap that I have fallen into. Together, we need to remember that Christ has created this awesome expression of praise, and chooses some of us to lead it! If you have any ideas on how to keep this from happening to me or others, please do tell!
I would encourage you to love and cherish each opportunity to worship, whether you're leading or not, because it truly is an amazing thing to bear one's self before God and praise Him. I don't' want to sound like your mother, but there are people in Africa who can't worship. It sounds cliche, but seriously, we have an amazing freedom to worship, let's not abuse it.
Hopefully, we can turn that Canadian "eh" into an excited Fonzie "EH!"....but leave the collar down please.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Pre-destiny
According to Calvin, the doctrine of election/predestination essentially claims that God chooses who to offer grace to and who to offer justice to before the world was even created. In other words, before this whole mess of a universe was created, your ultimate salvation was decided according to "God's pleasure." God just randomly elects people to recieve His grace, while everyone else misses out, and therefore, are damned to hell. I'm picturing a gym class game of soccer in which everyone numbers off for teams. You have no say in which team you're on or who else is on your team. Calvin argues the case of Jacob and Esau, claiming that Jacob was offered grace when Esau wasn't because of God's will. It was nothing they did. So nothing we do can affect our salvation.
Does this make anyone extremely uncomfortable?
Granted, I'm glad my salvation isn't in my hands, but I feel like I should be able to choose to love God if I so desire. Some people believe that I still have the choice to decide God or not, but God affects my desire, which then guides my choice. So while I still have the choice, God programs my desire, and my ultimate salvation. My problem here is that if God affects my desire towards choosing His grace, he's affected my love for Him. Essentially, I am forced to love God, which isn't real. I force my pet dog to 'love' (or at least like) me, but that doesn't make it authentic love.
Again, I'm glad God is taking care of it, but it still sounds fishy.
So then some other people claim that God uses prescient predestination. So he looks into the future and sees which people will call on His name and which ones will curse it. The ones that he sees will love Him, he then predestines to salvation. This seems to make the most sense to me, because of a few Biblical passages. Despite Calvin's outright hatred towards prescient election, I feel that it best explains things.
John 3:16....Yeah, you all know it, but the first part is essential to this doctrine. "For God so loved the world, that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
God loves the world. Not just some elect few.
Why on earth would God just pass by somebody and let them die. Let them be eternally dammed? Why would he do that if He loves the entire world?
I have absolutely no idea where to stand on this doctrine (assuming I still have the option to choose), but the upside to all of this (if it's legit) is that predestination makes me love God even more. I have been chosen. I have been elected to recieve God's grace. I am one of God's chosen people. It's like being on the good soccer team in gym class.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Grace, Peace, and Joy
Or are we handing it over?
Perhaps our peace and our joy lie within our hands. I’m not saying that we can make ourselves happy and content with the world, because we can’t do that. But I am saying that we all have the opportunity to be content. Some of us just don’t realize how to take that opportunity. Some of us might not even realize what it means to be content. To be at peace. To be filled with joy.
The world defines peace as a “freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.” (Dictionary.com) I think that rather than considering peace a lack of disturbance, it should be seen as an existence of practice. Peace is something we practice. It’s an active state, not a passive one. The Bible tells us that there is really only one way to be content, and that is in complete surrender to Jesus. We have to practice surrender.
Colossians 1:16-17 says; “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”
We were created for Christ. Our lives are only complete when they are in Him, when they are dedicated to Him, when they are surrendered to Him. The second part of this scripture highlights the fact that Christ ‘holds all things together.’ Christ is what keeps us together and keeps everything going. Surrendering ourselves to His purpose will keep us going. When we surrender ourselves to Christ, we are offered his love. We receive the grace of God. This grace is all we need, and no matter what happens, the world cannot take that away from us. This is where our joy comes from. Despite the stress and pressures of the world, we have all we will ever need because of God’s undeserving yet unconditional love. Who wants to hand that over to Satan?
To be content, we have to recognize this gift, cherish it, and respond to it with our lives. Our peace and contentment comes from a relationship with the Father in which He is our King and the sole source of longing. Once we focus on the cross, the pressures of the world, while still all around us, can’t affect our peace. I’m not saying that we won’t face pressures and stress, because we will, but I am saying that it doesn’t have to disturb us. Take joy, my friends, in the gift of life that God has offered us. Take joy in surrender. Take joy in God’s love. Don’t give your peace, your joy, your unique gift of love over to the world. Rather love the Lord your God.
with ALL your heart,
with ALL your soul,
with ALL your strength.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Fasting Fad
As many of you know, Lent is upon us, which means it's time to fast from all of our 'sinful' habbits....You know...things like chocolate, TV, fast foods, alchohol, texting, sex, coffee, and the list goes on.
Let's get rid of those thing for 40 days. That's what we need to grow closer to God. That's what we need to grow closer to each other. That's what we need to strengthen our Spiritual lives.
Right?
How does getting rid of those things help our community? How does getting rid of those things help our relationship with the Father? How are we showing the love of God through our fast? I definitely recognize the usefuleness and even necessity of fasting from certain aspects of our lives. I myself am currently taking part in a fast for Lent. However, I want to look at the reasons behind our fasting.
Lets take a simple pleasure that we all enjoy...ice cream. (I like mine with cholate and carmel) I decide for whatever reason that this wonderful blessing must be sacrificed to this year's Lenten Fast.
Why?
How does a lack of ice cream help me grow closer to God, strengthen the Christian community, or spread God's love and glory?
I can tell you that it will help my weight, self discipline, health, and maybe even my wallet. And besides, everybody else gives up something for Lent, so I better sacrifice something as well. Who wouldnt' want to lose a few pounds while practicing 'spiritual discipline' with everyone else?
I feel that many of us (including myself) don't really get the point of fasting from something for a period of time. We see that Lent is coming up, people begin to fast for things, and we feel that we should probably fast too since every other Christian is. We get this idea that we're bad Christians if we don't give up something for Lent. So we give up something...something easy. Something that may or may not benefit us in some earthly way. Something that isn't too hard to sacrifice, but hard enough to attract attention.
That's not the idea.
The idea is, that you fast from something to grow closer to God. To learn about yourself. To learn about others. Replace that 'thing' with God. Pray instead of watch TV. Go visit your friend instead of talking online. Say "hi" to the not-so-cool kid (probably me) on your way to class instead of listening to your iPod. While you're fasting from your 'thing,' take a close look at your behavior. Your thoughts. Your words. You might be surprised at what you concentrate on without certain things in your life. You might be suprised to see how you change yourself because of a lack of something in your life. Maybe you'll even feel lost because you have let that 'thing' define who you are.
Maybe a fast is a life changing experience....
Mabye a fast is a temporary lifestyle change...
Mabye it become permanent...
Maybe that's the point...
In the Bible, people typically fasted just before or after a drastic life change. One example comes from the city of Ninevah, where we read about the King issuing a decree in response to Jonah's Gospel message. The King says; "Do not let any man taste anything;do not let them eat or drink. But let man be covered with sackcloth." (Jonah 3:7-8). The Bible tells of fasts where people would only eat the very bare essentials to survive. They would wear uncomfortable clothing. They would pray all day long. The fast would effect every part of their life.
They gave up a lot more than ice cream.